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… where clouds taste like cotton candy, rabbits speak, trees sprout gold leaves and rivers overflow with chocolate. Bursts of silver light up the deep purple sky and where rainbow coloured dreams come true.
These were the things I dreamt of as a child. And it doesn’t mean I’ve got to stop dreaming now. I decided I want to write. Like really write. If there is one thing I regretted not cultivating is my love for words. So I’m coming up with a tag labelled “stories” (or “fiction” or “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” for all it matters 
) which I will update with stories, create ink-and-paper crushes and spin tales from time to time.
As of now, I have no inspiration but it will come in between late night pouring over 100-pages-long law cases and cramming European Union statutes on cold winter nights back in Bristol. (:
***
The blue bottles sit on the scarlet table waiting patiently to be bubble-wrapped. My trusty blue old jeans and my goes-with-everything cardigan thrown across the bed. Wardrobe doors left opened in middle of frantic scurrying for the favourite t-shirt. The white countertop is cleared of all the plasticky, dangly, spangly “junk” I call earrings. Plastic bags strewn across the floor. Luggages lying unzipped. Outside the rain clouds are looming overhead. Smell of freshly cut grass fills the room. One more sleep and I’m gone. Strange isn’t it? Summer feels like its been just a dream.
***
Goodbye (:
There’s something really magical about the rain. I love the sound of it against the roof and the patterns it makes on windows and the smell of fresh beginnings. It reminds me of His presence and power.
Yet… sometimes it makes me a little melancholic.
It has been tough to get through the quiet times today.
*photo by H a r e e s h
“Dwell not on the things that are not or things that are not yet. Why don’t you dwell on the present, what you have NOW? Cos all of this will too pass in a blink of an eye. Let tomorrow come when it does. And like you knew before and always know, when tomorrow does come, I WILL be there.”
(:
The smell of rain is just amazing. Few Saturdays ago, I fell asleep listening to the thunderstorm brewing outside and I woke up on Sunday morning with the smell of rain in the whole house. A perfect way to start a day. <3
Aaaaaannnnddddd, high time to reignite the passion. DSLR is going everywhere with me now! Okay maybe except work. Don’t think the boss will appreciate that too much. Lol.
My year here is coming to an end. And as expected, all the girls are getting sentimental about leaving hall. Well of course I feel the same way but I think I’m letting my feelings for other things cloud my thoughts.
I waited half a year to go home and now that I’m a week away to boarding that plane, I’ve never been more apprehensive or nervous. Six months has been a long time to be away and people have changed. And I don’t know what to expect from it. Will we still be able to talk as if I’ve never left? Or will there be awkward silences? Will we still share the same laughs and jokes? Or feel like a huge chunk of our lives has passed without each other and there’s no way to fill it again?
Well I’ll know in a week won’t I? 
…If it’s a broken heart then face it.
*Old post. Found it under my drafts. Don’t know why I never published it before cos this is exactly how I feel about life.
Love is…
Hot chocolate. The smell of good coffee. Being in His presence. That old man waiting on the platform with a bouquet of red roses. Photography. Ice cold coke. A warm bed on a cold night. A good episode of Gossip Girl. Nail polish. Warm sunny days. The brother whose annoyance transcends oceans. Lifehouse’s You and Me. That little girl whose face absolutely shines with happiness when she sees her mum coming to pick her. His joy. A memory filled with smells, sounds and sights. Fitting into an old pair of jeans. Knowing that someone thinks about you. Dessert. Sister who is also best friend. 50 years of marriage. Sushi. A playful dog. Gorgeous shoes. Worshipping Him. Finding a bargain. A good read. Lying in on a Saturday morning. That bratty younger sibling who is an absolute nuisance but you can’t live without. Ice-cream. Shimmery eye shadow. That old couple smiling at each other over afternoon tea. Stepping on fresh untrodden snow. New clothes. The little boy who is always looking out for his younger sister. Good tunes. Rain on windows. Parents who always keep you in their prayers. Laughing children. Missing someone. Having compassion.
Love is all that but also beyond. Love is Him dying for me. And for you.
Love is knowing that I’m going to be with Him for eternity and because of that, my soul sings. <3
Sometimes we never see the warning
And the voice in your head tells you not to go
It really makes me wonder why somethings happen when they do
It really makes me wonder why it wasn’t me instead of you
And I know what it says almost by heart; I’ve read it so many times. But it felt different today. Those words seem so… distant. As if it came from someone I didn’t know. Maybe, it’s true. Cos now sometimes I feel like I don’t know you anymore. I remembered the last time I happen to glance upon that message. I laughed and smiled and thought of you. Today… it felt strange and weirdly heavy hearted. I thought about how time and distance has changed us so much. It probably is a good thing for us both but I can’t help wishing for a split second that time would just take me back to that moment.
And when you say
It doesn’t matter well it does
And all it takes
Is a mistake to eat your words
Just one more time I think I’ll drive on home tonight
Run, run, run. Feel the rain on your face. The exhilaration of seeing everything whizz past you and turn into a blur of colours. And… maybe, just maybe if you ran hard enough or fast enough you could feel your legs leave the ground and just taste the freedom of flight. And even if you don’t, close your eyes, see those wings in your mind, laugh it off and feel like a child again.
And when you look its gone its too late to turn around
And it’s another day facing yourself and the things that you’ve done
These are the reminders I need when life gets me down. The silly jokes and life lessons in those morning emails. A text on the way to university that someone back home is thinking of you. The occasional online message when it’s not one of those times that “I’m busy playing game. Don’t talk to me.” Zumongous indeed huh. Emoticons war and then “Bye fatty bom bom!” A whisper in the wind, reminding me He’s there, come what may.
And when you say
It doesn’t matter well it does
And all it takes
Is a mistake to eat your words
Just one more time I think I’ll drive on home tonight
Silence, it settles. Like sadness in your heart. “Hearts will hold,” he said. “But for how long? There surely must be a limit,” she asks quietly. “For as long as you want me to. For as long as you trust me and remember that I love you.”
- Second Chances, Michelle Branch
Do you live a lie? Put up a facade so no one sees the real you? Paint a colourful past because you’re afraid of what people might think of you? Play pretend in this game called Life?
And at the end of it all let the people around you question what they knew about you.
Do you truly ever know someone?
You may think you do. Their past, secrets, likes, dislikes, ambitions, hopes, dreams.
He can be your best friend. Your sister. Boyfriend. Your mum. Brother from another mother. Dad. Grandmother. Your roommate. Friends. Soul mate.
Can you say you know them for certain?
I knew her favourite colour. Favourite drink. The guy she liked. Where she use to study. Her interests. What is it like back home. I went shopping with her. We go for most meals together. She lent me her coat. Helped me fix my wall. She has seen my room in the messiest state ever. She even knew who I have a crush on. Dinners on Saturdays and Sundays would become long chat sessions with fruit, tea, sweets, chocolates. We messed around, gossiped, did each other hair. We saw each other everyday.
But in the end, I didn’t know her at all. I thought I did but I don’t know why she’s doing this. And maybe, I guess I knew nothing about her.
I didn’t tell her but I miss her.
I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing
With a broken heart that’s still beating
In the pain there is healing
In Your name I find meaning
So I’m holdin’ on, I’m holdin’ on, I’m holdin’ on
I’m barely holdin’ on to You
I’m hangin’ on another day
Just to see what You will throw my way
And I’m hangin’ on to the words You say
You said that I will, will be ok
You said that I’ll be okay. So I’m holding on.
There was a time ago when all she could do was sit in a corner and cry. Rejected and hurt over and over again. No one to turn to. No one was ever there. And then she met someone. He told her, “I’ll never leave you. I’ve always watched over you and I will always love you. I’m everything you’ll ever need.” and He reached out His hand to her, “Will you choose me?” Tentatively, she reached for that outstretched hand and know for once, this love is real.
Slowly but surely, her heart began to mend. It was bruised, battered, cut, wounded, slashed, cracked, broken and bleeding once. There were stitches in certain places where time had healed but those stitches were only temporary. Time cannot fully heal. Scars remained and sometimes these scars continue to hurt. And He began to mend that heart without her knowing it. Everyday He’ll work on it. Those scars began to fade. The wounds slowly stopped bleeding. He begun to stitch up those cuts and slashes. Glue those cracks. Her heart was almost done. It stopped hurting and she nearly forgot those past wounds that once caused her so much pain.
However, being stubborn and constantly making mistakes, she got herself into situations where it caused her heart to be wounded again. She didn’t listen sometimes and wanted things her own way. His work went to waste and yet He never gave up. He continued working. Even though it was breaking His heart to see her so hurt. Even though it broke His heart that she won’t obey. But He loved her. He always had and always will and so He continues to mend that work that has gone to waste.
And that heart? She knows she wants it to stop hurting. But she needs to learn to listen and obey to Him. And it’s not easy but she’s learning everyday. That heart needs to be healed and finally made whole. She needs to stop turning back and start walking down that path she has chosen with His hand linked in hers. With Him guiding her every step.
I need You more than ever. Hear me, help me Lord.
