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I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it’s killing me
Does someone hear my cry?
I’m dying for new life
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful
Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won’t you help me back to glory
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful
You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful
Beautiful, Bethany Dillon
For every guy who has ever told a girl that she was beautiful, thank you. Be it your mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, girlfriend, best friend, fiancee, wife, daughter, niece, cousin. Not pretty or cute or hot but beautiful. Thank you. We don’t hear it enough.
I’m sick of running away but I think I’ve lost my way and I don’t know how to turn back.
More than ever, I want to see my parents. I miss them like crazy, you have no idea how much. Daddy’s silly, don’t-make-sense, irritating, only-Jayson-finds-them-funny jokes and Mumsie’s annoying ways. I miss her so so so much. It’s about time to go home. But I can’t just yet.
I can’t concentrate on coursework when I’m miserable. Jesus, I need You to help. 
I’m back from London with lotsa photos and cravings for teh ais and nasi lemak satisfied! I had a good three days and though we didn’t get to see everything we wanted to because of what else but British weather grrr. But London’s not too far away, I can always drop by before I head home. Rebecca was good company – had a chance to get to know her better. I wouldn’t if it wasn’t for this trip cos we only see each other at church on Sunday and the occasional dinner get-together thing. And the youth hostel was way better than expected – I actually have to blog about this trip in detail but I need photos!!!
And I’m way too lazy to upload pictures now but I will soon-ish because I’m heading off to Aberystwyth to see Linnie and Mey in a week!!! Omg excitement!!!
But I seriously need to get work DONE now now now. It’s so hard to actually get started. 
And I’m broke. I didn’t buy much in London, it’s just that meals and travelling in London is sooo expensive. Much more than in Bristol. If I studied there, I think my parents would seriously have gone broke. Lol.
Anyway time difference goes from 8 hours to 7 hours after this weekend! One step closer to coming home. (:
xxx
The pages keep turning, I’ll mark off each day with a cross
And I’ll laugh about all that we’ve lost
85 days
London. Tomorrow. The only city I’ve ever wanted to study in.
But God took me to Bristol instead, and I’m not complaining because I adore Bristol. 
***
Earth has not anything to show more fair:
Dull would he be of soul who could pass by
A sight so touching in its majesty:
This City now doth, like a garment, wear
The beauty of the morning; silent, bare,
Ships, towers, domes, theatres, and temples lie
Open unto the fields, and to the sky;
All bright and glittering in the smokeless air.
Never did sun more beautifully steep
In his first splendour, valley, rock, or hill;
Ne’er saw I, never felt, a calm so deep!
The river glideth at his own sweet will:
Dear God! the very houses seem asleep;
And all that mighty heart is lying still!
Composed upon Westminster Bridge, September 3, 1802 by William Wordsworth
***
“Compare and contrast this poem to London by William Blake.” LOL. Literature days seem so long ago. And now I’m in UK, with 3 months to go till I come home. Crazy how time flies so fast.
I’m excited about my London trip. It’s going to be fun! And authentic Nasi Lemak at the Malaysian Hall – I can’t wait!!!
Till I get back… xxx
Photo credits: underground – www.blogs.statravel.com.sg, fish and chips – www.freshradio.co.uk, Parliament buildings and Big Ben – www.phonebookoflondon.com, sausages and mash – www.dianamiller.me.uk(her food photography is amazing!), Harrods – www.travel-tidbits.com and London Eye – www.bestwestern.co.uk. The rest are free from freefoto.com and bigfoto.com.
Right now, no one else knows how much I want to book a ticket on board the coach no. 200 to Heathrow Airport and take the next flight back to Malaysia. No one else knows how much I want to be one of those complaining about all the packing I have to do. No one else knows how much I want to put as my status on FB that I’m coming home today! No one else knows how much I want to feel the excitement I felt when I was coming home for Christmas break. No one knows how much I want to be one of those dragging their luggage out of hall. No one else knows how my heart is just longing to go home right now.
But as much as I want to go home, I know these four weeks are going to be good for me. More time studying and more time spent with Him. I’m going to be just fine. (:
Am also very much looking forward to London with Rebecca next week and seeing Mey and Linnie in Aberystwyth in April.
x
I know she reads my blog, I can tell when I speak to her and trust me, she’s not the best person when it comes to lying. Haha. That’s why she cannot keep secrets. 
So hellooooo mummy! If you’re looking for any juicy information about things like if I’m seeing anyone, so sorry to disappoint I’m not blogging about anything like that. Marky-boy is already nosy enough and he stalks my blog. So you can read all you want about my mundane boring day-to-day life in Brizzle. Haha.
On another note, I feel like I’m on holiday. Lol. I skipped lecture on Monday cos he records all his lectures anyway and I’ve already done that tutorial(I’m such a total opposite of you, Michelle ) and then most of my subjects have ended so Tuesday and Wednesday – free days. Tomorrow one lecture in the morning and Friday, one tutorial in the morning. This week I only had 3 hours and I’m only going for two. I feel like I’m done with exams when in reality, they haven’t even started yet. LOL. And the sunshine is not helping either – it just makes you want to go outside and sunbathe and eat ice-cream. Now I understand why they can’t have classes during summer – it’s too nice outside. Especially after months of gloominess. I have so much work to do and my grades aren’t that good so far. But I’ve made a vow to work as much as possible between my trips to London and Aberystwyth and I’m going to camp in the library after the break! Roar. Watch me.
I end first year of university in two days! Well, technically. Cos after Easter break I don’t have anything going on except a few revision classes here and there. So yes one year of uni – done! I feel so old. Speaking of aging, Emily (Belgium friend from Luxembourg who speaks French – told you the people here are so international. Lol.) turned 19 yesterday so we went ice-skating and omg, I underestimated how much I missed skating. The last time I went was like what, 5 years ago? I feel like learning again when I get back since my summer holidays are so long. Well, we’ll see how it goes. Apparently I’m expected to do an internship then. -_- Bleugh, give me a chance to enjoy my holidays la. But I bet I’ll be super bored as well. Lol. Michelle, why you don’t want to come back?!
Anyway, tort time. Will blog if anything else interesting happens/I get bored again. Bye! xxx
Park Street, Bristol
There’s just two ways to lose yourself in this life
And neither way is safe
In my dreams I see visions of the future
But today we have today
And where will I find You?
Where will I find You?
In the economy of mercy
I am a poor and begging man
In the currency of grace
Is where my song begins
In the colors of Your goodness
In the scars that mark Your skin
In the currency of grace
Is where my song begins
These carbon shells
These fragile dusty frames
House canvases of souls
We are bruised and broken masterpieces
But we did not paint ourselves
And where will I find You?
Where was I when the world was made?
Where was I when the world was made?
Where was I when the world was made?
Where was I?
I’m lost without You here
Yes, I’m lost without You near
I’m lost without You here
You knew my name when the world was made
The Economy of Mercy – Switchfoot
***
You know how sometimes a song pops up in your head and you’re just itching to listen to it? This was the song I really wanted to hear today.
Just arrived home from a dinner at a friend’s. She stayed in Yemen for quite sometime so she cooked us an Arabic meal. We ate with our hands. And I was just thinking how I went all the way to England to eat with my hands for the first time when I come from Malaysia and could have easily walked into a Nasi Kandar shop to try eating with hands. Lol.
I miss mumsie and I miss you! I need time to pass quicker. I blog nearly everyday now – I think it’s becoming a habit. It will probably stop when I start to shut myself in a bubble and completely focus on writing my two freaking long and difficult essays.
Anyway two random facts till my next post – 1. I am beginning to love no, like really really love custard (didn’t like it that much the first few times I had it). 2. I feel a mix of + + right now. It’s not nice when you can’t sort out your feelings. You just get very confused and jumbled thoughts. But whatever, am rambling again, taaa! Have a glorious Sunday. (:
:’)
There’s something magical about weddings. Every time my mum comes home from one she’ll be talking non-stop about it and about all the little details. And of course, every girl dreams of her wedding. Some girls even have it planned out – down to the details like bridesmaid’s dresses. *cough* Am not going to mention names here. Lol.
And I have definitely thought about mine a couple of times – the gorgeous dress and ceremony and the dress. Haha. But after reading about these weddings I can’t wait for mine. LOL.
Picture taken by Kirsten of www.beauxartsphotographie.com
Nancy and Ethan’s gorgeous summer wedding and potluck. Yes potluck! The dress was from her great great aunt, invitations handmade, ceremony at a park, and decorations were paper cranes they folded together. So simple yet so lovely. The story and more photos here and here.
Photo taken by Heather of www.onelovephoto.com
Another lovely wedding. Eileen and Matthew’s garden wedding. This one is so magical and whimsical. They had a garden one in the backyard of their home. I am absolutely in love with the flower tree. Read more here and here.
One thing I love love love about weddings are the photographs! Heather of OneLovePhoto is an amazing wedding photographer. Both she and her husband are wedding photographers and their photos captures the essence of the wedding perfectly. Another talented photographer is Max Wanger. He has been doing something new as well – engagement photographs! If you go to his blog under his website you’ll see some photos of a recent engagement photoshoot he did.
“The photos alone are reason enough to get married” – OneLovePhoto’s tagline.
So true, couldn’t have said it better.
There are so many things wrong with this photo now that I look at it again two years later. Yet, I love it cos this was the start - when I was truly beginning to fall in love with photography (:
I will never be the same again,
I can never return, I’ve closed the door.
I will walk the path, I’ll run the race
And I will never be the same again.
Fall like fire, soak like rain,
Flow like mighty waters, again and again.
Sweep away the darkness, burn away the chaff,
And let the flame burn to glorify Your name.
There are higher heights, there are deeper seas,
Whatever you need to do, Lord do in me.
The Glory of God fills my life,
And I will never be the same again.
I will never be the same again – Hillsong United
Extremely powerful song, give it a listen. (:
This is where I long to be. And I will be there in approximately three months. Right now, I have learnt to enjoy being where I am right now with a grateful heart. These few months are going to fly past. First year of university ends in a week for me. Easter break comes next and with it – a flurry of traveling, meeting and spending time with friends, trying to catch the cheap boots and winter wear sale, coursework writing and enjoying spring. And afterwards, hardcore revision and studying for a month. Exams exams exams. Am believing that it would be easy breezy with Him. 
Then fingers crossed, seeing a little of Europe before coming back to Bristol to pack, attend my last hall event and say goodbye. And hellooooo to Malaysia, the good food and hot hot sun baby!
Summer 2008. The reason why Jayson won’t smile for the camera was cos we were in some Taman in Malacca and I was going snap-happy at everything and he kept complaining about this and that (excuses for wanting to play his GB) and I caught a picture of his expression when he was complaining and it was hilarious!!! I couldn’t stop laughing and showed it to Mark who started laughing too and Jayson got angry with me. Lol. I still have the picture and it still cracks me up every time. Classic photo – but you won’t find it funny unless you know how much of a brat my brother is. Haha.
My lovelies. Am missing you both lots right now. My funny teleporter boy (types “I’m teleporting!” on Skype then runs away out of the webcam’s view) and the emo angsty gaming one, I can’t wait to see you both until you guys start annoying me to the core and I change my mind. Lol. Don’t miss me as much as I am missing you now. Love loads, your favourite sister (cos I’m your only sister )
Thank you thank you thank you for finally teaching me to be grateful. “No one has loved me quite like You do.”
Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there’s a war between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
So come home
Come home – One Republic
I was bored so I went onto Flickr and I started browsing through the images. I need to take more photos! I <3 Flickr. Seeing all the photos always inspire me, I want to be able take photos like that too! Here is this woman called Jacki whose photos I absolutely love. And I got so inspired by those edited with textures that I decided to try it myself. It was my first time playing with textures and I kinda like how it turned out. It could have been better with other photos though, may try it in different ways. The texture is taken from here and I’m using Gimp because I can’t afford Photoshop! 
(I’m actually asking for Photoshop software for my birthday from my parents but I can’t wait till I get it in June! So I decided to give Gimp a go.)
Yeah Gimp is free and similar to Photoshop but having used Photoshop before, I’ve gotta say Photoshop is much more user-friendly and easier. The layout is almost the same and all the function buttons are in the same places (almost I think. I haven’t fully used everything to know for sure.) so if you know how to use Photoshop it shouldn’t be too hard. I struggled a little with Gimp though. It took me quite a while to add text to the image. Like moving the text box was a little strange and typing the text is different. You’ll get what I mean when you use it. But maybe it’s cos I’m new to it (and not as tech-savvy as a lot of people. LOL). I still prefer Photoshop cos I’m not really good at photo-editing so I watch and read tutorials and most of them are Photoshop-based but yeah I found some on Gimp too. I guess I need to continue using it to decide if I still want Photoshop or I can just stick with Gimp. The best thing about Gimp is that it’s completely free. Compared to the very exorbitant price for the Photoshop software (I’m talking about original of course ) it might actually be worth a shot. Damn, now I need to start thinking about what I want from my parents for my birthday again. Haha, maybe they can save their money this time and not get me anything. Marky, tell M&D – they will be very pleased I don’t want anything this year. Oh wait, maybe a plane ticket home for Christmas this year? After all, you want me back too right right?
I watched the tutorial on texturing pictures in Gimp here. I found it very good and extremely easy to follow. He only has tutorials about editing photos in Gimp though but I think you can easily find a lot more on Photoshop in Youtube.
Thinking about it now, it was a bad idea to download Gimp. Now I’ll never get any studying or coursework writing done. Lol. Cos I take forever to edit photos and once I start, I’ll never stop. Sigh. I need self-discipline!!! Oh another note, I have finished my Property subject for this year. Yay for finishing but cos I’ll miss my tutor! She’s the best and nicest tutor ever and she’s not teaching 2nd year students!
P/s: Found some awesome textures here! Check the postcard one out – coolness! Guess who’s going to do more photo-editing?
